« I Lived, Bitch! »

the new baymax show is killing the game tbh

sooo when are you gonna show me how you squirt

GET OUT.

my hc that danny witnessed the bite of 83

gerard’s ripped jeans baseball cap oversized t autism fit is actually just as gender to me. that’s life as a he/they baby

My friends + lovers and I as incorrect quotes

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Stan: the food is too hot, I can’t eat it

Roman: you’re too hot and I still eat you

Stan: *blushes*

Roman: *winks at him*

Peter: one dinner. I just want ONE DINNER

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Peter: *is learning English* what are friends with benefits?

Griffin:...a very special type of friends

Peter: like us?

Griffin: *chokes*

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Griffin: how do Roman and Stan usually get out of these messes?

Peter: they don’t, they just make a bigger mess that cancels out the first one

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Keira: why are you smiling?

Peter: what? Can’t I just be happy?

Anakin: Jakob tripped and fell in the parking lot

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

[when he loses Peter in a store, to a worker]

Roman: have you seen my son?

Roman: shorter than Dora, brown hair, brown eyes

Roman: clearly gay but we haven’t had the talk

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Police officer: I’m pulling you over because you tried to fit three people on a bike

Jakob with kaden and peter sitting behind him: wait three?!

Police officer: yes you and the two-

Jakob: shit anakin fell off

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Kidnapper: we have your friend pay us and you’ll get him back

Roman: which one of my friends?

Kidnapper with Peter looking at him intensely: the pretty one

Roman: he made you say it right?

Kidnapper: *in tears*can you just come and take him?

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Stan: Peter is at that very special age where he only has one thing on his mind

Roman: boys?

Stan: homicide

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Lydia: if you took a shot every time you made a bad decision how drunk would you be?

Mars: maybe a little tipsy?

Miles: drunk

Griffin: wasted

Peter: dead

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Griffin walking into the kitchen with miles, mars, and lydia behind him: is something burning?

Peter: *leaning over counter seductively*just my desire for you

Kaden: peter the toaster is on fire

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Peter: I've got an idea.

Lydia: We're not going to murder anyone.

Peter: I don't have any ideas.

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Roman: *holds up a spork*stan what is this

Stan: a spork

Roman: right, Peter what did you call it

Peter: a fpoon...

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Stan, googling: person bite leg what to do

Google: elevate and apply pressure

Stan: *holding up Peter like simba but facing him* apologize or else

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Kaden: Peter did you eat all the donuts?

Peter: no

Kaden: why are you lying I can see the white powder on your pants

Peter: that’s cocaine

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Stan: sometimes I think

Stan: but then I eat sand

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Kaden: when I said bring me something from the beach I meant a seashell or something

Peter with a seagull attacking him: well you didn’t fucking say that!

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Griffin: you’re just jealous Peter would throw himself in front of a car for me and not for you

Kaden: Peter would throw himself in front of a car just for fun!

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Jakob: this is basic math its not that har-

Kaden with stars in his eyes: I’d give them all to you because I love you

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Kaden: if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands

Anakin: if you’re sad and you know it stomp your feet

Peter: *claps hands and stomps feet at the same time*

Kaden: *whispering to anakin* does he need help?should we get him help?

⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝⁝

Please literally all of the people in this don’t have tumblr or I don’t have their account but we’re not gonna talk about that

---